This week’s Monday Listicle’s topic could have been explosive: Ten Things Husbands Should Do. Yeah, at first I wasn’t going to write this list. I thought it was just an argument waiting to happen. I asked my husband to write the reverse list instead, you know “Ten Things Wives Should Do”; he said ‘no’. He’s right that list would also have been an argument waiting to happen.
This instead I’ve written a list of “Ten Things That Could Have Gone Wrong If I Wrote This Week’s List”.
- My husband could have read it (this is a public blog your know) and I’d have some ‘splainin to do. And I don’t like splainin stuff, so I’ll just keep it to myself, thank you.
- My mother could have read this list (once again public) and I’d have to have “girl talk”. No thank you to that.
- My mother-in-law could have read it and then she’d tell my husband, and I’d be right back to #1
- I would spend half of my next therapy session talking about my feelings, and why I posted the list on the internet.
- Someone from my job will read it, and they’d be all up in business. No thank you.
- Someone hoochie-mama from my hubby’s job would read it and be like “Oh, your wife just doesn’t understand”. Then I’d have to punch her in the face, and I’d have to go to court. I hate court. Pass
- My list could trigger some deeply repressed memory. I highly doubt it, but I can’t take that risk. I have no idea what I’d find if I start digging around in my head. I’d probably find myself back at #4.
- My list could probably start fights around the world. I can just hear some wives around the world: “See, other wives think that you men should put the bloody toilet lid down!”
- My list could probably increase the national divorce rates. (see #8) I’m just not going to be a party to that.
- One day, hundreds of years from now, after the Mayan-predicted apocalypse, there will only be a hand full of humans who have survived. As they try to rebuild society, they will use my blog lists to understand the mating patterns of humans during our time-period. My list of “Ten Things Husbands Should Do” would have led to a skewed view of social roles. In the new human society men would all bake, wear aprons, give foot massages on request, and only speak every third Thursday. I don’t think it would have turned out well.